being girl

stumbling around the house on a rainy Sunday afternoon, jill scott on the stereo and a white bun mustard melted cheddar cheese sandwich (surely too low a fiber count to be any good for an irritable bowel but the warm bread and cheese in my mouth tastes sooo good.) every organ is irritable today i am afraid, bitchy liver and cranky cervix contracting - preparing for the onslaught of hormones as we await a two day late menses. have spent the past two days snapping at every human and beast unfortunate enough to cross the path of these size 11 Calvins (nothing comes between me and my) so at least we know it's on the way. days like these the whole corpus is one pulsating over-stimulated nerve. thud thud thud to the beat of the music.

days like these i wonder how must life be different for people who are NOT yoked to organs and disorders the way i am ------ those of us who must count among "good" days and "bad" days ---- the invisible Tired Girls ----- those who must learn to count our energy reserves as marbles always jealously guarding ------ the knowledge that any day or plan can be derailed at the whim of an easily irritated bowel, a moody cerebral cortex, a bitchy nervous system, the barometric pressure, the moon, the weather. the unfortunate re-uptake of our old friends dopamine and serotonin. just finished reading an excellent book by a woman named Paula Kamen titled _It's All In My Head: an epic quest to cure an unrelenting, totally unreasonable, and only slightly enlightening HEADACHE_. anyone with chronic pain of any type should read this book. if only because it's nice to know i'm not alone in my journeys through modern medicine and alternative health care. also her theory of "the Tired Girls" is worth a look. go to www.paulakamen.com for more info.